I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
