all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
