So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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