That's when you crack a 10am beer
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
