I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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