I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
