he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Randomize
