Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
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debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
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if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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