Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
