Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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