Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
