she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
