I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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