So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
