i don't like sucking hair
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
