his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
