When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
