she woke up with a sticky ear
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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