What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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