You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
