they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
