Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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