Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
