During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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