if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
porn star boner night. come get it.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
