i may or may not be watching the land before time
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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