yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
