I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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