please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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