He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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