he referred to my room as the tit cave...
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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