Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
