im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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