No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
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Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
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I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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