hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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