you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
