We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
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