Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
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