tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
