I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
