I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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