New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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