That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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