Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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