Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
