i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
