OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
