I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
