the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
