i wish my penis had a tongue
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
