My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
He passed out mid-signature
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
