about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
