she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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