my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
