Soap is not a condiment
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
