Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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