im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
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Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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