All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
