Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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