his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
