just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
