I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
no you cant smoke seaweed
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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