i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
