Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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