How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Randomize
