I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
